At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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