I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
