He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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