Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
