Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
