And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
