break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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