I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
