I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
