Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
