Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
