I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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