there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
