i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
