so explain again why im purple
no
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize