ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So here I am, sexting at work.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
