nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
my sisters under your porch take her home
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
