I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
