she woke up with a sticky ear
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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