What did we do last night that was yellow?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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