then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
