i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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