omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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