maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
porn star boner night. come get it.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I stole a fireplace last night.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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