R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize