Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
