I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
