I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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