do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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