My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
