Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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