Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
