i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
