Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
