Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
