Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
