I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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