Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
