i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
