yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
