if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
