Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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