bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
