I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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