Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
