I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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