ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
