he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
