Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
