It's like a parade of train wrecks.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Come share oat with me in your robe
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
