After last night, I could never be a politician.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
