i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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