He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
