i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
