His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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