I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
