I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
