I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
When did angry sex become our thing?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
