my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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