He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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