remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
