so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
