More tranny stories later!
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
