It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
