i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
