this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Help. Why am I so naked?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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