so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
