Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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