Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
