hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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