I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
