yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
