When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
