White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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